My perspective may be off a little lately, but I’ve been hearing a trend in the conversations I’ve been having. Well, at least the ones I’ve been listening in on. Remember, I can have entire conversations in my head…
Anyway, one topic I’ve keyed in on the most is the one about children of divorce. Odds are that people site statistics of children whose parents have been divorced and point to that one deciding factor in their lives to explain the problem.
Also, whenever my friends say something to that effect, they soon remember that I am divorced and have children. They look at me with “no offense” in their eyes, or they actually voice an apology. I used to think that I was an exception. My divorce was justified because of my circumstances.
Then I realized. I am not special. I am not unique. All marriages have a reason and all divorces have a reason. Some are good reasons, some are lame. But I guarantee that if my children had stayed in a family where all those things happened that caused my divorce, they would have been twisting around more than a wind chime during Sandy. And it was the single most difficult thing I have ever gone through. It was NOT the easy way out.
So there are three things going on here:
1) Kids are probably screwed up before parents split because they stayed together, but divorce can amplify the problems.
2) Divorce can be the best option.
3) Be thankful if you never have to face those kinds of options.
I’ll admit that my kids have an arduous chance at being “normal” and well-adjusted. I won’t pretend that the best scenario is to have a loving, complete family where they see people treating one another with respect and kindness.
I’m forever feeling guilty for making that choice, but I also know that deep down, it was the right thing to do. Besides, I daily see wonderful kids that have beaten those odds.