Corn on the Cob for Every Meal

Why in the hell does toilet paper have pictures and texture on the sheets? Do you know what people used to use way back when? Corn cobs. If you have never concerned yourself with the softness of a corn on the cob after you’re done chewing the kernels off, then you wouldn’t know just how obvious it would be to use this for the other end of the eating process. Irony? Corn comes out whole.
Toilet paper should be white and unscented for what I’ve heard as health and safety concerns. Luckily the researchers couldn’t figure out the problems with texture. But I’m still confused by the reason for this texture in the first place. Does it help with absorption? I for one don’t like the consequences for that.

Let me break for a quick joke:
A Kansas State collegian, a Missouri collegian, and a University of Kansas collegian were in a public bathroom. The Mizzou student washed his hands and used four paper towels saying, “At Missouri, they teach us be clean,” and he leaves. The KU student washes his hands, shakes them off, and uses one towel. “At KU, they teach us to take care of the earth.” The K-State guy walked out and said, “At K-State they teach us not to piss on our hands.”

Okay, now that I’ve got that out of my system, I’ll continue with my theory.

Since it seems the people who are “in charge” of keeping us safe from faulty products can rest easily about our finishing business, they thought they would add a little pleasure for us. Obviously it’s not for viewing pleasure. Have you ever admired someone’s roll of toilet paper after searching through their medicine cabinets? But I’ll bet you appreciate it after you flush. And then wash your hands, of course.
So the next time you are finishing up, don’t wad up your toilet paper in your fist. Give yourself the full spectrum of pleasure and see if you can guess the pattern without looking.


2 thoughts on “Corn on the Cob for Every Meal

Go ahead. Everyone's watching.

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