What are you wearing for your birthday?!

I grew up out in the country and every once in a while we would venture to the pond during the summer and jump in the water from a little canoe-like boat.  Sure, the water was run-off from the corrals a half a mile away, but it supplied coolness we needed from the heat of the sun.  We would have to pull the little leaches off sometimes, and the water even left us looking dirty so we used the water hydrant next to the barn of said corrals and clean off well enough to be able to go back inside the house.

11-year-old Me, in only a towel, ready to be cleaned:  “I feel so free.”

Mom:  “What are you, some kind of hippie?”

Commence spraying me down with the hose.

Now I ask you:

Where is it appropriate to be naked?

  • Out in the country where no one can see you until the errant low-flying plane doubles back for another fly over.  (Another story at a different time)
  • In the privacy of your home, alone.  Be sure to keep your front door locked, just in case.
  • Nude beaches
  • Skinny dipping at night
  • The gym’s locker room, oddly surrounded by others nakedness in a public place.
  • Bedroom/bathroom
  • In the arms of your lover

Where is it NOT appropriate to be naked?

  • At the pool–and the occasional released boobies that pop out don’t count.
  • At work.  Unless you’re a stripper and then in Kansas you can only take the top off.  Kind of like at the pool?
  • Neighborhood block party–although it would be hilarious to make fun of people who wrongly think otherwise.

Where should it be okay to be Nekkid?

  • In the yard, mowing your grass.  No tan lines!
  • In your car, but only if you have cloth seats.  Ouch

What else could you put in these categories?  Let’s keep it clean, folks.  Or at least try.


Go ahead. Everyone's watching.

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